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description: Dating > Online dating 40 year old
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# Online dating 40 year old

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Another place to meet interesting men is the good old standby, the coffee shop. It goes both ways unfortunately.\
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I suspect very strange reactions when she tried hard to convince who she was. Norbert — Can you see how strange it is that you wrap up your caballeros by telling others not to judge but your entire post is nothing but some terrible judgements on women. Look around and make eye contact. You sound like the Puppet Master of Drama. This means CEOs, celebrities, lawyers, doctors, and other persons of the high society. Im anon exotically beautiful, Im told. Inspiring desire in women young enough to be our daughters becomes the most potent of all anti-aging remedies, particularly when we can show off our much younger dates to our peers. And this goes to any other man who has waited till he is 40 to file. We need to protect ourselves and that instinct is always in us. They often seem very very stuck in their ways.

But, I can also admit that even at his age, he was likely a lot more fun to be around than many guys a fraction of his age. Bill or the Montgomery G.\
&#x20;![online dating 40 year old](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/b5/69/3e/b5693e6cb105d88104cce633fb354f72.jpg)\


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I am 44 years old and entering the dating scene again for the first time in 25 years. Where do you go to meet someone at my age? I am not doing the online singles sites…that is just scary to me. I am new in town, with a few happily married friends. I have four grown who are trying to set me up I love them, but what a nightmare!! What do single people do at 40 and over? Loriann Thanks for highlighting an important principle for women over 40 seeking love: You will not find it unless you do something differently. You said it yourself. Your friends are married. What do you expect me to tell you? If not, what exactly are we going to talk about for 12 weeks? Where does this leave you? Apparently, it means standing around a lot, hoping that a cute, age appropriate, interested single guy happens upon you at the bar, the market, college, the gym, restaurants, parks, and airplanes. Eat out, grab coffee, and hang out at different places each week. Go to any party you're invited to, join clubs with people who do what you like to do, volunteer, get involved socially. As a dating coach, I know that people resist it because they're scared to try something so unfamiliar to them. But it's like anything else — there's a way to do it successfully, and it's a great way to meet people you wouldn't normally meet. I believe firmly in getting out of my comfort zone and in a sense, I am comfortable making myself uncomfortable. None of that has worked. Most of my interests are those that should be male dominated. I like to build and remodel. The parties I get invited to now are toddler birthday parties. While I think in theory that your advice is good, I have found that in practice, it is not me, it genuinely is them. I studied every site on how to create a profile that does not attract the creeps, how to be positive, and how to date successfully. Yet most of the men, even on paid sites, turned out to be completely disordered and hiding behind technologically to establish the initial connection in order to get their latest victims hooked. And yes they are mostly disillusioned and covertly bitter. My last date continually lied about wanting a relationship and being single when in reality, he was actually living with someone! But I also met my boyfriend on there, and he was more than worth the wait. I also know 40-something women who find boyfriends and even husbands online, so I know it must be possible. Another former colleague of mine got divorced not just once, but twice and they sound like ugly divorces, not even amicable ones. She still managed to find true love with her third husband now. And this third one had two divorces under his belt too. The second one was like something out of a TV movie of the week. One day he came home and the closets were just cleaned out, with no trace of her. The only contact she made with him afterwards was to serve the divorce papers. They both had more than enough reason to have gotten disillusioned and given up on love, with four nasty divorces between them! If they could get past their bad experiences to find love, anyone could. Unfortunately, I only get contacted by guys that are under 30 online… way opposite prob. Anyway, I googled how to find a single man in his forties, and this was the 1 result so I thought I would comment. Sometimes, though I get frustrated and want to give up — Why not me! All I want is an educated, confident, loving, sweet guy who loves Jesus, nature and enjoys being a goofball too! Reading your post gives me some hope that my lifelong dream could actually come true. I could not have said that better. I have had the exact same experience. I believe it is them also. I am in awe with the victim mentality and the hostility towards woman. The dating sites are horrible. I get the exact same thing, men way too old or men only looking for sex. I am unwilling to go on a second date. There just has to be a better way to meet a half way decent man then the dating sites. The first was divorced and disillusioned ….. The second was the worst — he was almost perfect then one day said …. This article seems to miss the point. The majority of men on dating sites are NOT looking for what women are looking for— I note the only positive comment on here was from a woman in her 30s. If you meet someone organically, you can only hope his motives are different. Same experience for me as well! I get men that are older than me. The best part of all was when I got a stalker! I had to go to court an everything! It helps to see that theirs not something wrong with me. My friends give advice saying your not putting yourself out their…ha really! Speaking from a person that got the only available bachelor in church. Good luck to all of you. I work in an industry that is monopolized by women. I have done online dating on and off for 15 years. I have lots of male friends, I am part of a running club, I am even in the military but still all I meet is married, attached or gay guys. And by the way I also has lots of single female friends going through this too. Just 6 months ago I was carded by a young guy when I tried to purchase the lottery. I asked him why I needed to show him ID. He told me he wanted to ensure that I was over 19! But generally I get mistaken for someone in my mid 30s. There is no way I will be attracted to someone who looks 50. Sorry just my 2 cents. I would like to say I have to agree with you about men ageing better than women. Unfortunately, alot of men feel the same of women. Also at our age it is really hard to find someone without baggage and children. I guess to a degree we need to all learn to get past physical appearances or just learn to be comfortable being single. I do volunteer work, joined the Rotary club, joined a church singles group, go on meetups, ballroom dance, have done the online dating thing etc. Up until four years ago, I had my dad to help me out. I was devastated when he died, because he was my best friend and confidant. I take dance, aerobic, and yoga lessons throughout the week. Everyone I meet thinks of someone they would like to set me up with. Unfortunately, that someone is usually a dedicated bachelor who is one hundred pounds overweight, and does not want any woman in his life, at least not on a permanent basis. I believe they all do one-night stands. One has to think that, were the situation reversed, with men having the same problem, the men of the world would have figured out a solution to the problem. But there are times when I need to bend an ear, and, usually the person who will listen to me is an old boyfriend, now married. I could make a ton of money off of lonely middle-aged women if I wanted to be a coach. I feel completely invisible to the educated, available men in my age range. It is beyond frustrating. Online is also full of people who are narcissistic, who want to put in their preferences, i. I am sorry that I fell half inch short or three thousand dollars too poor for you. People online never want to meet in person, they mainly want to email, look at photos and fantasize. I am a woman, a little older, never married and no children. I am positive there is one man out there for me. That said, my on line dating experience was so demoralizing I stopped doing it after 3 years. I posted lots of personal details and beautiful photos of myself and got MANY replies from unsuitable men married, lived in another state or country, way to young, looked very unhealthy. I just deleted my profile. The list goes on. I am sure if I left my profile on there long enough and searched long enough I would have met a man. But after three years of demoralizing experiences I gave up with on line dating. I met one nice man on line. We ended up as friends. He found a nice woman on line that he really hit it off with. He was the only really genuine, nice, single man I met in 3 years who was actually interested in having a real relationship and was physically healthy. I just got tired of displaying nice pictures of myself and details about my age. No man in real life ever asks me my age — except my doctor. I make it clear that I cannot provide them with a child. That seems to be the most pertinent fact. It seems to me that if a woman cannot provide a child, men expect that she can provide carefree sex they call it casual sex and a non commital relationship. That is not the page I am on. The guys seem to want sex, kids or money. Most did not seem to be seeking a meaningful relationship. My ego took a real bruising so I quit. I liked one of the suggestions one commentator left about meet up groups. That seems like a nice, activity oriented way to meet new people in a group setting. Still about as much of a crap shoot as on line dating, but at least I am not posting lots of personal photos on line. I became very uncomfortable doing that. I get tired of people asking for more and more photos when I am trying to get to know them online. I always put photos with my profiles, but goodness! I once had a man who was just out of his mind he proceeded to tell me about how he would go about killing himself if he committed suicide give me this whole laundry list of things he liked about me beautiful face, beautiful hair, very smart, etc. My online dating experiences have given me a bunch of messages from men that I would never give a second glance at. One of them I recognized from him being arraigned for family violence. I am an attorney. I recognized him by his lovely neck tattoo. I also received plenty of cheesy pick up lines and I love how all of the old men find me appealing. I am not looking for an old man or a sugar daddy. My first date was lovely. He changed when I actually met him. I did google and research him. I also have to add that I already knew most of the decent guys that were online. Hatshepsut My experiences were very similar. I tried all the major online dating sites for years. I tried to keep an open mind and I wrote positive profiles, but I finally decided that the vast majority of men my age who were doing online dating, were either uninterested in or unready for a serious relationship. I have yet to meet that guy. I gave up on online dating because there are way too many playboys and wounded animals to try to weed out. Christian Mingle and POF by far were the worst! Be afraid, very afraid! Men are stronger physically and that thought of physical overpowering is something we subconsciously consider. We want men that are going to use their strength to protect, not over power us. We need to protect ourselves and that instinct is always in us. We need to feel like you are normal! Everyone is strange until proven normal really. Anyone can be online. So bear with us and understand we need to be cautious. I was divorced after being married for 22yrs and online dating helped me ease back in to dating. I got to know a lot of different men and it was fun emailing and chatting. I think in any type of situation you have to be careful because you can meet someone who will be deceptive in some way. I find online dating to be safe because you can ask those uncomfortable questions about who a person is, in the safety of your own space. I won't meet any man who won't give me his last name and where he works, phone number, etc. I then google them just to see if something pops up. Most good men understand a single woman has to be extra careful. Those that don't, they don't get a date with me! Always meet in a public place a few times before you feel comfortable. If you still don't want to take the plunge, pick up some classes with a hobby you have wanted to get into. Be open and carry yourself in a way that makes you approachable. But really think more about getting Evan's help. He has truly helped me in many ways, to understanding relationships. Also, your little detective work would screw you out of some great guys if you are too harsh. I can totally understand if the guy pops up with a history of violence or drug arrests, but my friend is a member of a not so exclusive club. See, many men here in Florida get a restraining order put on them. It pretty much goes like this…women here often use them as power plays. Men with no history of violence end up with them. Without a lawyer, a judge will almost always grant it. For a long time, the state used to hold both parties accountable to the order. What happens a lot is the woman asks for a restraining order. A woman who issues them said it is the most abused section of the law. OK, so a six month, or 1 year order may be in place. But after a couple of months, the woman makes contact, if it takes that long. The couple then start meeting on the sly. Dumb move for the guy, but many do it, trying to patch up a marriage or relationship. Anyway, at some point, the woman gets mad again, and when she does, she calls the cops on him. Guys have been arrested with the woman in his car. Why arrest the guy when she got into his car? But by all means do the check. One of the women I had a short relationship with was like that. She was always checking up on me. And the thing is, if she had any kind of suspicion, she would never just come out and ask. She would try to beat around the bush. For instance, one of her friends claimed that I hit on her. This other girl is a known trouble maker. She probably knew how my girlfriend was so suspicious and thus wanted to throw her in a tizzy. Well instead of just coming to me and asking me, she asked all of these weird questions trying to trip me up. It took weeks before I found out what she was up to. The thing is, I had verifiable proof as to where I was when I was supposedly hitting on her friend. But this was a pattern with her. And the worst part was, the only thing she would ever really believe was a negative finding. In other words, I am sure she always wondered if I really had hit on her friend. Had I told her I had, she owuld have believed that, even with the evidence that I could not have. So she was always digging, always playing detective. Good lord was it ever a nightmare. It is true that both parties are not held to the order, which is crazy. Have you never known people that went through this? I have seen that where women I know have taken out restraining orders and then later, start contacting him, and go to meet with him. In fact, more often than not, the guy will insist that if she wants to meet, it has to be at his place, or his car, because he is under the false assumption that this gives him standing if they are caught together, or if she tries to get him arrested for violating the order. Yes there are cases where both men and women legitimately need protective orders against the other person, but there are many who do it as a way to gain the upper hand in a divorce, or some other situation. I do have a friend who works in this system, where the order is applied for, and she said it is ridiculous how often this is abused. But, she said the reason it happens is because too many people take it lightly. Big deal, a restraining order. It is far more than just an official order telling you to stay away from somebody you may want to stay away from anyway. And in this information age, it is only going to get worse. If you think I am lying, go sit in a court where they award these restraining orders. You may have 100 to 200 people there, responding to an summons, but it is a good day if even a half dozen have a lawyer. And my friend told me that with a lawyer, most of the orders would not be granted. A lawyer knows what to ask, to prove that it is BS, and a lawyer knows the law, and what is and is not allowed. Not to mention that it is somewhat of a country club deal. The DO want it to be worth it to hire the lawyer. An order is an order, no matter how much you claim he was manipulated. You sound like the Puppet Master of Drama. You seek out unstable woman. You take no responsibility. The attorney is not talking about drama in an established relationship that you chose to continue. She is talking about single woman making smart safe choices. Men do not get date rapped, stalked, or murdered. You do not fear that. You have no clue speaking out about something you know nothing about. They go back because they have no where else to go and abuse is all they know. Take classes, join fitness groups, find the community social events, get involved in a fundraiser, crash AA meetings KIDDING , learn to golf, join a country club, if you have a dog, make friends at the dog park. DOn't just focus on meeting men, or even friends, just try to make more social acquiantances and expand your social world. And if your kids find anyone cool to try to make a match with, give it a shot — they will screen out the weirdos! Match is ALSO a good way to meet men, and when I was single, I just considered match. I also did community service, socialized frequently with friends from my life before divorce. It just so happens that match. Did I have some bad or boring dates? One guy did turn out to be a bit creepy, got a few creepy messages online, but nothing downright dangerous. In fact, the worst of my dating experience was my persistant but harmless stalker that I met through a meet up event, not match. Should we live apart and abandon all biological family members, home school our kids, and stop going out in public for fear of being murdered? No, just exercise common sense in all situations, and understand that NOTHING is 100% guaranteed. The only guarantee is that we all die some day. Focus on living the happiest most satisfactory life that you can, regardless of how long that life is. By your reckoning, we should cater to people suffering from agoraphobia? You have to be smart, meet at a coffee shop, make sure your car is right in front, etc. No matter how great your profile is, its initially about the photo. The odds are not great. There is also the fade-off that I experience 10 times out of 10. Well actually I havent had 10 connections to speak of but.. The interest, then not interested. I keep my profile up, but I dont expect much! She lived for a few hours before she died alone in her own garage. Woman need to be safe and make smart choices. It just means smart, safe choices. If someone gives you bad vives, go with it and forget about being nice and polite. I am glad this is a big joke to you Evan. Try to understand where woman come from and be respectful. Men can very easily over power us. Not all men have good intentions. There are about 100 times more stories on there about men and women being murdered by their long-time spouses for the life insurance money than there are about online dating horror stories. Should we then stop getting married as a society? Stop taking out life insurance on our spouses? I have online dated for years and I always pay close attention to my instincts and take the necessary safety precautions. These are the best defences you have for life IN GENERAL. But living in fear is no way to live at all. If you met a stranger in line at the grocery store, you'd likely meet him in public places on dates until you were comfortable having him in your home or going to his. The same rules apply in on line dating! Your instincts shouldn't change no matter where you meet a man. Usually, unless you meet someone through work or friends and in each case, you'd have some frame of reference about who this man is , the first several dates are usually in public. Just as you have met men who made you uncomfortable while you were moving about in your everyday life, should you meet someone on line who makes you uncomfortable, you have options of getting him out of your life. The nice thing about match. At the end of the day, it is about keeping your wits about you and staying tuned into what your gut is telling you about the guy. A strategy that I've used that has served me well is that I text at least two friends to give them the guy's first and last name, his phone number and the name of the place we are meeting and the time that we are meeting. This has worked wonderfully!! As women, we can always excuse ourselves to go to the restroom and if there is a problem with the date, you can phone a friend or text a friend, or if you are having a great time which you probably will after being coached by Evan , you can send a text to your friends or family saying you are fine and that you are having a great time!! If I am uncomfortable on the date, at the end of the date, rather than letting the guy walk me to my car, I will say my goodbye to him and let him know it was nice meeting him inside the restaurant and say that I have to use the bathroom or pick up something at the grocery store next door and I will talk to him later. The take home message here is to come up with a plan for your safety and you will be just fine. Also, if you spend some time getting to know him on the phone a few conversations over the course of several days before you actually meet, you will get a pretty good feel for him!! Go for it and see what happens!! All the prior responses to mine have had great ideas. Mostly I everyone including Evan is saying just get out there…. There are no specifics unfortunately. I definitely have discovered that myself. Mara was so right. Hang in there there are alot of us in the same boat. Online dating is foreign to alot of us. Eventually you will find your way through. Give it a try and if you don't like it then just stop. I have been on Plenty of Fish and numerous others. Plenty of Fish I have stuck with…meeting some nice gentlemen. Give it a try…just be smart and wise about who and where to meet…. The normal guy off the street could also be a threat but you don't that right off the bat right? Same thing with online dating. Relax, enjoy meeting people everywhere. But there are so many other dating sites out there though, and there are Meetups and dating clubs. Personally, I think that being new in town is a great lead-in for a profile. She'll occasionally go to a meet-up or an event she's interested in, but basically, she just doesn't date at all. Online dating can be fine depending on where you live. Re online dating being scary — I once took another friend with me when I caught up with the guy — I think he thought it a bit wierd but I am still unsure why. We are more comfortable around friends and meeting somewhere public for coffee especially with another friend seems wise. Others I know,male and female, just do it more subtley, have friends just happening to be in the same place or sitting a few tables away. Places to meet — anywhere that interests you… just meander, take it slowly. Stop and smell the roses. Smile and laugh — that will attract the men to you. I can respect a man that just says that up front more than one who pretends he wants more. I suppose that's the difference — your dating expectations. How do you know if you like someone and may want to get to know them better until you have spent some time hanging out. Why does it need to be one on one? This is why the singles dinner groups are so popular. You get to meet new people in small groups where they are more likely to be relaxed. I used to hold parties regularly and invite a few singles just so they would have the opportunity to meet other singles and relationships, friendship or potential romantic ones, could develop naturally. I suspect very strange reactions when she tried hard to convince who she was. Then I caught her mistakes. I played with her how far she could go with lies. I still do not know where I can find single woman. Volunteer, extra activities, going park, you do not have time to do if you have children at home. Wake up 6:00 am, send kids to school 7:00, work until 5:00 pm, diner at 6:30 pm. I could not find any extra time to do, so I turned on-line dating service. On-line dating service is necessary evil. I hear all this talk about instant chemistry which is great but I still want to like you. How you interact with my friends and other people does matter. Men are very visual by nature so they are primarily interested in how we look initially. What they do not underdtand is that it takes us woman a while to decide if we even like them. They have to make an effort and invest in us first. It seems like the men on dating sites, only want a hookup and no effort on their part. I think you are smart. Do what makes you comfortable and is fun for you. The great thing about it is if the date sucks, you do not like him, you can still hang out with your friend and have fun. When we all know as should anyone that's even vaguely familiar with this site what the answer is. Unless you have a bar or bars that specifically caters to an over 40 crowd like we used to have for 10 yrs in my area before it closed you have to do internet dating. Like Evan said by the end of your first full day on Match. Let's ask all the guys on here,which one of us wouldn't cut off a testicle just to have those numbers to be possible for men? Oh yeah,and you'll probably never have to pull out your wallet. On a different note I've noticed a lot of people in our area are using Meetup. You can see pics of all the people in the group on each site but people don't say any stats about themselves like a noraml dating site ie: age,height,weight,income and marital status that we've all come to love. Many people that are of Match,POF,Yahoo etc…. Is he trying to match people based on comparable incomes? I was raised that a person's income is no one else's business. I would be put off by such an inquiry on an internet site. Wonder what they were doing with such information. This isn't rocket science. The world is filled with men and women. There's no secret place to go. It's how you meet the men or women who are all around you. Do something that you're passionate about. You might meet new people. You'll definitely seem more interesting to anyone you meet. You're willing to ask a complete stranger on the internet for dating advice, but you think it's horrible that the people closest to you keep trying to introduce you to men who meet their approval? Given that the worst case scenario is that you meet someone you're not interested in, I'd say your nightmares are really bland. I sing in a church choir. I go to a couple yoga classes each week. I go to the dance studio and out dancing a few evenings per week. I go to the free outdoor theater…. But I also met an attractive woman while sitting at the counter of a diner … while I was still wearing the same sweaty clothes I'd just exercised for 3 hours in. Every day you're someplace where you can meet men. Do you know what to do when you're there? It's so baffling to hear these fears about the safety or the stigma or anything else somehow associated with online dating, especially now after so many years it's been popular that it has become the prevalent way of meeting people. Demanding personal info from complete strangers, Googling them for verification, bringing a friend! In abandoned warehouses in secluded areas? Why all the paranoia? Who knows what they were doing on there while talking to you or if they even stopped after dating in person. And forget about if if your are christian looking for a christian man. I met my wife online our social circles would never have crossed otherwise. Her two oldest daughters met their husbands online. Her youngest daughter met her boyfriend probably husband next year online. You have good insights to peolpe, so I'm surprised how harsh your response to my concern about personal safety was. Ask Allison Armstrong about the prevelancy of women who know they are alone, that no one is looking out for their wellbeing but themselves, and their instinctual concerns about their safety. Intentionally so, to make a point. So, believe me, I really do understand the plight of single women better than any of your other fiftysomething married women friends. And while I could clearly have shown more sensitivity to you, my feelings remain the same. Yes, you are going to have a greater concern for your safety than men. Yet you should be far more concerned about being seduced by a Nigerian scammer who wants money than you should be worried about some 60-year-old lonely man turning violent. I have heard many incidents of financial fraud against women over 50, and NO incidents regarding physical safety. As such, your fear is more in your mind than in reality. You can pretty much flush them out immediately and get rid of them. I guess there is still sort of a stigma with online dating, but so many people do it these days that it's kinda silly. After all, there was a day and time when we used to have mail order brides. It's just an option for increasing opportunities. I've been on blind dates, either as set up by friends, or in two cases, men I met through an internet venue and find I much prefer to meet people in casual settings. I smirk when I read about meeting men in grocery stores — how often does that actually happen? I've been grocery shopping literally thousands of times and I don't think I've ever had so much as a casual conversation with a man in the produce aisle. Or any other aisle. So, I think if a person really wants to meet someone for a relationship, internet dating sites are certainly an option worth exploring. I would love to meet a single man in person but no one talks to each other anymore. I get whistled at, stared at and comments made toward me but that is it. I am going to try going to a new place twice a week and see if environment changes anything. And yes, older women are a big target group for predatory men. Not necessarily for the serial killer kind of predator, but for the financial scammers.
